


i've been waiting desperately (and my heart is here right next to me)

by worry



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: F/F, Introspection, POV Second Person, prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 07:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5657398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worry/pseuds/worry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're not Riley Matthews. You haven't been Riley Matthews since you fell in love with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i've been waiting desperately (and my heart is here right next to me)

Once upon a time, there were two girls. One of those girls loved far too much and the other girl didn't love enough. It's a very interesting story.

 

* * *

 

 

Sometimes you're Riley Matthews, and other times you're not, other times you're Riley Matthews with wings, with a halo, with something that you can use to fly away from your problems, like sharp objects, like how loving is a sharp object, like how Riley Matthews is a sharp object digging into the heart of love. You're not Riley Matthews. You haven't been Riley Matthews since you fell in love with her.

 

At some point, you stopped looking at your best friend like a best friend and started looking at her like she was something to run from, something that can so easily be ruined with your sharp object hands because you love too much and you don't know how to stop the love from pouring out of you and ruining. 

 

At some point, it stopped being Maya and Riley. At some point, it became Maya and The Girl With Wings Who Loved Too Much But Couldn't Fly Away Because That Would Be A Stupid Thing To Do, and 

 

at some point, you stopped holding yourself back, because you don't know how it happened but suddenly you're

 

sitting in the bay window holding her hand for a little bit too long, and -

 

"Riley," she says.

 

"Oh... um... yeah?"

 

"I think it's about time to let go."

 

* * *

 

 

You sit next to her in class and your father is going on and on about some history thing, and all you can think about is how truly  _beautiful_ your best friend is, and she's

 

giving you that look she gives you when you're about to do something stupid,

 

or something you'll regret in the long run,

 

or something that will make her run because

 

there's no way she could ever love you back,

 

and you're just giving her a smile full of teeth.

 

So, she could never love you back, because she knows how to be safe, knows not to feel things like you do, and that's always been

 

the best thing about Maya, how much she cares but doesn't let it make her crumble,

 

until she crumbles,

 

and falls,

 

and that's the end of it.

 

You envy it, sometimes. Not letting it consume you. What a wonderful idea, and you do this, you let it consume you, and you look 

 

at yourself and you don't see Riley Matthews. You see a void, something consumed. You see a creature of love,

 

and that's the worst thing possible, because she exists

 

in all of the places that you don't, or can't, or wouldn't, and you know she'd

 

crawl right inside of you if she didn't already live there. It's like a punishment, being this creature that loves so endlessly. 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 It doesn't slip out like you thought it would. You knew it would happen eventually, but never like this, because you're sitting in the bay window with her and she's laughing at something you said and all you can say or think is:  _I love you, Maya._

 

It stops her. "I love you too."

 

You imagined it like this: she's alone again, and you're hugging her and making it all go away, because that's what friends are for, right? You're whispering  _I love you, Maya,_ and she knows that you mean that you've been in love with her ever since you can remember.

 

It doesn't slip out like you thought it would. What a weak creature of love you are, letting it happen like this, when you're vulnerable.

 

"No," you tell her, "I love you, Maya."

 

She looks confused. "Yeah, I know."

 

"Maya, I'm in love with you."

 

She looks at you and then looks away. You feel something inside of you turn; you feel like you're floating outside of your body, with wings again, and no way to fly away from this problem, well, isn't this how it always goes, Riley Matthews who isn't Riley Matthews and has no way to escape.

 

"Oh."

 

"Yeah."

 

There's a long, horrible silence that makes you feel like you're drowning, but she's still sitting next to you and she's not running like you thought she would be, so that's  _something._

 

"Why," she asks, and ends it, pulls you back up out of the water. "Why do you love me?"

 

"What do you mean why?"

 

"Why do you love me, Riley?"

 

You look down and notice that your hands are shaking. "You're kidding, right? I love you because... you've always been there for me. You're beautiful, smart, funny, caring... how can you not see those things? They're all I see, every time I look at you."

 

She hugs you and your hands stop shaking.

 

"I never thought... I love you too."

 

* * *

 

 

Once upon a time, there were two girls. They loved each other and it was never too much. It was a very interesting story.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> "Oh, I've been waiting desperately  
> And my heart is here right next to me  
> And I'm caught waiting in the rain
> 
> And I know and I need you in the storm" - Vanessa / Grimes


End file.
